Nebulous Recollections

I believe in судьба

Friday, February 26, 2010

I believe in fate, and I believe that everything happens for a reason. If things are meant to be, they are, if they are not, they are not. Timing is important, that is why patience is such a valuable virtue to have. I will wait, because good things are worth waiting for. I will just be myself, be true to myself, and let fate do the magic.

[Random totally unrelated side chain of thoughts: I'm hungry. -> Why am I hungry? -> Oh, lunchtime. -> I'm hungry. -> Meat! -> Duck. -> Duck song. -> Got any grapes? -> Yay. I thought of fruits. -> I have a spastic chain of thoughts. -> Spastic. -> I must be smacked. -> But I'm hungry!]

åé¥±é¥æ²¡äºå at 11:35 PM

Fate

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

February, a time of apprehension, the shortest month of the year that seems dreadfully long, a sentence fragment for which I shall not complete. After getting my first rejection letter, I was momentarily stunned. I didn't have much time to contemplate its implications, and I soon got my first and only acceptance letter (for now at least), from my alma mater. As reality settles on me, pressing me down firmly on the ground, I knew this could be the only school I get into, and I should be thankful for it. And then it dawned on me that it isn't as bad as I imagined it to be.

With all other grad school opportunities closed, many new opportunities have opened, one of which makes me smile. However, I dare not think too much about it. Fate works in its intricate unfathomable ways, and sometimes I just have to embrace it and see where it brings me. It's like what she said, we all go through the same journey, just different scenery. Piles of snow. Perhaps, in the grander scheme of things, everything will work out just fine.

Does fate come with blessings in disguise, or does it come with blessings in plain obvious sight? The answer lies hidden for now, and only the passage of time will reveal. I really hope fate comes in smiley faces, but I don't want to think too much about it.

åé¥±é¥æ²¡äºå at 12:51 AM

Scary

Tuesday, February 09, 2010

It's very scary that even though I graduated with the highest possible honors, had an intensive timetable, had accelerated graduation in 3 years, took 6 graduate classes (topping one of the core grad classes too), have a solid math gre score, represented the school twice in Putnam, solved 2 math conjectures, submitted a few papers for publication, and have good rapport with my professors, I am still but just an average math grad school applicant. I know that virtually everyone applying to the top math grad schools have published multiple papers, and I know that having taken a few grad classes is expected of any applicant. The conjectures I settled are not major conjectures, and I have not obtained any ground-breaking results. If it is a test of raw brain power, then I would lose to the countless brilliant minds around the world, many of whom are familiar names of former IMO medalists. I know I am competing with these very same people who thrashed me in IMO years ago. I have improved tremendously since then, but so have they. It's a scary world out there, and I am scared.

I just got my first rejection letter, and the eerie silence from the other schools scare the shit out of a constipated me. I have no idea which scares me more, that all these 'achievements' I have are worth nothing much, or that there are just too many geniuses out that can pwn me even with half their brains cut off. gg

åé¥±é¥æ²¡äºå at 11:36 AM

Немного по-русский

Wednesday, February 03, 2010

я знаю что человек Ьы хотите. я хочу Ьы, но Ьы хотите он.
[I wonder if this is grammatically correct..]

åé¥±é¥æ²¡äºå at 10:50 AM