戴爱玲 - 爱了就知道
Sunday, May 02, 2010
自从我在广播上听了这首充满感触的歌曲之后,我一直想要寻找这首歌曲的名称.也许是我太糊涂了吧,听了过后连一句的歌词也记不起,不能直接上网搜索歌曲名称.我只能每天细心地去听广播,希望能再次聆听,但我没有这个机会.
就在这一晚,在我胡思乱想的时候,我突然间记得了两句歌词,就是 "感情被懂得是一种幸福" 和 "不想管警告,爱了就知道" 这两句.时间已经过了一两个星期了,但我终于找到了歌曲的名称!
华语爱情歌曲和英语爱情歌曲的确是不一样.这首歌引发的感触是在英语歌曲找不到的,真的是超好听,超有意义,听了几十次还是听不腻!
睡的不多
可是梦却好多
有什么紧紧塞在我的胸口
像酸甜的苹果
又像会飞的气球
我常常想你想到泪流
每天不同
这关系太难受
偶尔像情人又像是好朋友
心悬在半空里
面带着微笑忧愁
会安全降落或摔得很疼痛
感情被懂得是一种幸福
等待着被懂得是一种孤独
越来越不能忍受你的暧昧模糊
我要我要我们都一样的投入
不必先祷告 爱了就知道
一用了真感情
会留下回忆变成美好
不想管警告 爱了就知道
感受所有的过程才重要
身为男人你不要
比我胆子还要小
有感觉就该让我知道
感情被懂得是一种幸福
等待着被懂得是一种孤独
越来越不能忍受你的暧昧模糊
我要我要我们都一样的投入
不必先祷告 爱了就知道
一用了真感情
会留下回忆变成美好
不想管警告 爱了就知道
感受所有的过程才重要
身为男人你不要
比我胆子还要小
有感觉就该让我知道
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12:03 PM
Peer Review
Saturday, April 03, 2010
Peer review sucks when the 'peers' all don't understand what the hell I am writing. How am I to blame when I prove something using techniques they are not familiar with? I took a well-known paper, generalized it, came up with significant improvements, both theory and applications, and justified every single bold claim with rigorous math. And my paper gets rejected just because they don't understand the math and instead comment that the math is unnecessary? :(:(:(
The irony is that you engineers need a lot of math to get your theoretical results, but shun the math you don't know. Not understanding my proofs and then saying you 'think' the math is irrelevant, as well as question the validity of the claims I just proved, is just totally narrow-minded and unprofessional. I know the significance of my results, and I know that these results have the potential to revolutionize your engineering world.
Too many such bad experiences and I'm gonna stick to pure math and be a purist, where my math peers would be real worthy peers who understand and appreciate my work. Or I may just decide to go to your engineering field, dethrone your 'top expert' status, and then go back to doing math. And I know I can. Try me!
Some people need to be smacked. Grrrr..
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2:56 PM
I believe in судьба
Friday, February 26, 2010
I believe in fate, and I believe that everything happens for a reason. If things are meant to be, they are, if they are not, they are not. Timing is important, that is why patience is such a valuable virtue to have. I will wait, because good things are worth waiting for. I will just be myself, be true to myself, and let fate do the magic.
[Random totally unrelated side chain of thoughts: I'm hungry. -> Why am I hungry? -> Oh, lunchtime. -> I'm hungry. -> Meat! -> Duck. -> Duck song. -> Got any grapes? -> Yay. I thought of fruits. -> I have a spastic chain of thoughts. -> Spastic. -> I must be smacked. -> But I'm hungry!]
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11:35 PM
Fate
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
February, a time of apprehension, the shortest month of the year that seems dreadfully long, a sentence fragment for which I shall not complete. After getting my first rejection letter, I was momentarily stunned. I didn't have much time to contemplate its implications, and I soon got my first and only acceptance letter (for now at least), from my alma mater. As reality settles on me, pressing me down firmly on the ground, I knew this could be the only school I get into, and I should be thankful for it. And then it dawned on me that it isn't as bad as I imagined it to be.
With all other grad school opportunities closed, many new opportunities have opened, one of which makes me smile. However, I dare not think too much about it. Fate works in its intricate unfathomable ways, and sometimes I just have to embrace it and see where it brings me. It's like what she said, we all go through the same journey, just different scenery. Piles of snow. Perhaps, in the grander scheme of things, everything will work out just fine.
Does fate come with blessings in disguise, or does it come with blessings in plain obvious sight? The answer lies hidden for now, and only the passage of time will reveal. I really hope fate comes in smiley faces, but I don't want to think too much about it.
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12:51 AM
Scary
Tuesday, February 09, 2010
It's very scary that even though I graduated with the highest possible honors, had an intensive timetable, had accelerated graduation in 3 years, took 6 graduate classes (topping one of the core grad classes too), have a solid math gre score, represented the school twice in Putnam, solved 2 math conjectures, submitted a few papers for publication, and have good rapport with my professors, I am still but just an average math grad school applicant. I know that virtually everyone applying to the top math grad schools have published multiple papers, and I know that having taken a few grad classes is expected of any applicant. The conjectures I settled are not major conjectures, and I have not obtained any ground-breaking results. If it is a test of raw brain power, then I would lose to the countless brilliant minds around the world, many of whom are familiar names of former IMO medalists. I know I am competing with these very same people who thrashed me in IMO years ago. I have improved tremendously since then, but so have they. It's a scary world out there, and I am scared.
I just got my first rejection letter, and the eerie silence from the other schools scare the shit out of a constipated me. I have no idea which scares me more, that all these 'achievements' I have are worth nothing much, or that there are just too many geniuses out that can pwn me even with half their brains cut off. gg
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11:36 AM
Немного по-русский
Wednesday, February 03, 2010
я знаю что человек Ьы хотите. я хочу Ьы, но Ьы хотите он.
[I wonder if this is grammatically correct..]
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10:50 AM
hahaha2
Thursday, December 03, 2009
So, today's news had something about lucky draw scams, which reminded me of an experience some time back.
*phone rings*
Me: "Hello?"
Man: "Hi! You have just won our lucky draw. Congratulations!"
Me: "Oh really? Wow."
Man: "You have won $10000, and you have to come down to our headquarters to collect the prize money."
Me: "Hmmm.. Where is it?"
Man: blah blah blah
Me: "Ok, that's good. But I don't think I deserve the prize money."
Blur kok: "What??"
Me: "Hmm.. Why not you keep the money for yourself. I think you deserve it."
Angry kok: *click*
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9:40 AM
hahaha
Just saw this on facebook.
Luke's fb status: remember to bring insoles for squash shoes. remember to bring insoles for squash shoes. remember to bring insoles for squash shoes. remember to bring insoles for squash shoes. remember to bring insoles for squash shoes.....
Clarence's comment: get better feet get better feet get better feet get better feet get better feet get better feet get better feet get better feet get better feet get better feet get better feet get better feet get better feet get better feet get better feet get better feet get better feet.....
Luke's rebuttal: + 10 spastic points for claire.
Clarence's gf: YAY!
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9:32 AM
Pleasant Surprise
Monday, November 23, 2009
I had a pleasant surprise today. And thinking about it makes me smile :)
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8:03 AM
Eeek Propositions
Friday, November 13, 2009
Proposition: Pr(Banana talking to me) ≈ 0.
Proof: The property of talking is well-defined only for objects with mouths. Denote X_obj as the random variable representing the number of occurrences of obj talking in 1 day, and assume X_(banana with mouth) follows Poisson distribution with parameter t. Randomly choose a sufficiently large number of bananas, draw mouths on them, and observe them for 1 day each. Notice that none of the bananas chosen talked to me, hence by Central Limit Theorem, the assertion follows. QED
Proposition: I am lame.
Proof: Proof of previous proposition is lame. I wrote proof of previous proposition. Only lame people can write lamely, therefore I am lame. QED
Corollary: I am bored and I have too much time.
Proof: Obvious.
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2:17 AM
letting it out
Sunday, November 01, 2009
Just two months ago, I was fairly certain that this blog would be rotting away in some hidden corner of the virtual world, and that whatever fleeting thoughts I had always wanted to pen down would just remain in their inchoate states, waiting for the passage of time, waiting to be ushered to the back of my mind. But in recent days, I've overcome this inertia. I've blogged quite a few times, shrugging off the nagging feeling that I should be revising for gre. Although I have no idea who in the right mind would be interested in my ramblings, I figured it would be good to keep a snapshot of my thoughts and feelings every once in a while. And when I grow old, I'll be reading this post again and perhaps laugh to myself "what an immature and emotional fool". But I must write, for this has been bugging me for days.
So yesterday was a rather disheartening day for me. I already knew something was troubling her for a while. She wasn't her usual happy self, which made me sad. I tried cheering her up yesterday, but I failed, and that made me sadder.
I know what she's going through. I can laugh it off and say it's because of my gut feeling that I know what I know. But it's really my gut feeling, plus a little touch of skill at discerning the nuances of her emotions expressed over msn, that I'm able to figure out. I know it isn't easy for her to move on. Nobody said it was easy, and I personally know how heart-wrenching it is, having experienced that real physical pain from heartaches that I once thought was mere figurative speech.
I will always remember the anguish I experienced after my first actual break-up. I was depressed and did not smile for two months, and it took me at least a full six months before my heart was open to the idea of new possibilities for love again. I was weak and vulnerable, and I even thought I would never have the courage to fall in love again. I definitely took the break-up much worse than how she's taking it now, and in this aspect, I admire her for being so much stronger and braver than me.
But I know no matter how strong a person can be, there's a limit to how much anguish the heart can tolerate. When you are busy with work, you may not feel the anguish, but when you are alone, or when your mind is not occupied, the anguish will surely come creeping back, sometimes overwhelming you. It was actually at my lowest point in life then that I listened to fish music, that I found the courage to face the rest of the day. It was because of the healing powers of chinese music that I managed to survive then. This was the actual reason why I started becoming a diehard fish fan. So if it helps, listen to sad chinese songs, cry if you must, and give yourself some alone time.
There's a time to cry, and I really want to ask you to let all your emotions out. Cry all you want, do not hold back the tears, for it's part of the healing process. But I don't have the courage to tell you this, for I know that if you cry, I too will cry. And because I do not have the courage to see you cry, I chose instead to try to make u smile, to cheer you up.
It takes time to heal all emotional wounds. And even if you believe that these emotional wounds will never heal completely, trust me, they will. You just have to give yourself the chance, and be generous with all the time you need. Remember, it is only those who have suffered the emotional torment of heartaches, who will appreciate and cherish true happiness when it comes. But if you do not muster the courage to move on, your door will be shut, and you will never be ready even when true happiness comes knocking.
Regarding the issue of true happiness, although I really wish to have the chance to give her true happiness, whether I can or not is not up to me to decide. I can only try my best, be a little selfish, and fight for what I want. I will never know what the outcome will be like, but I'm taking my chances and having no regrets.
Secretly, I care for her a lot, but I dare not reveal to her too much. Recently, I somehow feel as if I've faded into her background, so all I can do is to quietly be there for her. But ultimately, I know she needs time to heal from her previous relationship, and I know she is not ready, so the only thing I can do is to leave the rest to fate. I just want her to be happy, to smile, to embrace each new day with renewed hope, and I ask for nothing in return, other than to see her smile again. I hope this isn't too much to ask. And when I can finally see her smile again, I too will be happy for her, happy with her, for some things are worth smiling about.
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11:26 PM
sigh
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Sometimes when "it's just not my day", the day might mean a day on some planet that's not rotating.
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1:13 PM
A Fleeting Taste of Sweetness
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Over the years, I've accumulated a library of blockbuster-like dreams, where I was always a guileless young hero with the onerous task of saving the world. In these dreams, sometimes I had superhero powers, while other times, I was just an ordinary denizen of this complicated world. What remained invariant was my strong conviction that the world will be a better place if I played my part, whether it is battling hideous-looking monsters, or smacking evil villains.
Two night ago, I had a dream. There were no blockbuster fighting scenes. It was just a simple dream. I dreamt I was lying on some open ground taking a rest, oblivious to the surroundings. Then, to my pleasant surprise, somewhere from behind, I felt someone's arms embracing me. Turning around, I saw her cheeky grin, and knowing that she just gave me a surprise hug, my heart melted. I couldn't control my smile, and I probably looked foolish smiling to myself, basking in delightful joy and happiness.
Much as I wanted to flood her with sweet words, I knew she was a shy person, and I wasn't sure how she would respond if I really did that, so I didn't. Worrying that her shyness would take over, and make her feel embarrassed for giving me a hug in the open, I asked her, "what if others see?" She responded with an assuring "it's ok", and to my surprise, she then gave me a peck on the lips. My heart melted again. I hugged her tighter, and at that moment, I really wished time stood still. As I embraced her, that warm happiness I felt was indescribable. There she was, someone so very special and important to me, in my arms, and I knew I would exchange anything in the world just to make her happy.
It was the sweetest dream I had in years. This is the second time I've dreamt of her, and incidentally, this is one of the few times in recent months that I woke up in the midst of a dream. Alas! It is just a dream. In the real world, I have no idea how she feels, and I dare not ask her, for I know she needs time and space. And even after all the time and space she needs, she may choose to move on with life, in a world of happiness without me. All I can do is to meet her in my dreams, and in the waking hours, look forward to entering dreamland once again.
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2:29 AM
Crab Conversation
Friday, September 18, 2009
Actual conversation.
Friend: Wanna go Jumbo? We can eat chilli crab and black-pepper crab.
Me: Don't want lah. I've eaten so many times in the past few months already. I haven't eaten so many crabs in my life!! Very sinful.
Friend: Aiyah, come on, let's go Jumbo lah. Wah, I love crabs. I want black-pepper crab.
Me: I love crabs too! I want them alive.
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9:12 PM
fruity thought
Sunday, September 06, 2009
i miss you special crying non-halal vegetarian good banana..
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9:36 PM
